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Sunday, October 18, 2015

Life Moves Forward

Hello Everyone!  I want to thank all of you who have stopped by the read and take an interest in my life.  Many of you have left very sweet comments after reading various segments I've posted.  I really appreciate your kindness and the recognition of my strength to have risen above the experiences of my childhood years.

Before I continue with my life story, I also wanted to respond to the many inquiries Mike has received asking how I am doing.  I'm happy to say "Thank you" for the many prayers and well wishes, because I'm doing much better.  I haven't had any more panic attacks, my heart doesn't feel like it's going to race right out of my chest and I've been able to relax more.  My craft room is organized, and while I haven't crafted as of yet, I'm hoping to start making Christmas cards next week.  The one thing I have noticed is that I haven't felt this "safe" and relaxed since before I was involved in social media.  I like how I feel so I've made the decision not to return to social media with the exception being that I will continue to blog.  I will simply socialize with my close virtual friends.  I may try to find a small group or community where I can share pictures of my work and get inspired by others, but I haven't decided on that for sure yet.

Ok, back to where I left off.

My Mom and Butch arrived back home before my Dad could make it out there.  I was a nervous wreck.  I handed the paperwork to my Mom and said, "this came while you were gone".  She opened it up and went nuts.  She didn't know who to be swearing about first, she was swearing about my Dad taking her to court over the custody, and swearing at me for answering the door.  I think I even learned a few new words that morning.  She was yelling at me "who in the hell do you think you are answering the door, you don't live here".  Then she would switch to "and if your _____ Dad thinks he's getting custody, he has another thing coming to him".  The whole time I'm thinking a million thoughts... what if my Dad doesn't get custody, how will I finish school?  where will I go to school?  how is this all going to work out? and "where the heck is he, I need him to pick me up!!!!"   Finally I heard a honk outside and I was out the door, but not without hearing "get the hell out of my house and don't you ever come back".   So much for my first visit back to see my so called family, and all the while stood my 7 year old little sister, listening and taking it all in.  I don't know who suffered the most damage that morning.  I guess it would be a toss up.

After I got in the car with my Dad and shared with him how it went, which by theh way, he felt terrible about, I learned what was probably her biggest reason for being so mad.  The divorce decree stated my Dad had to pay child support while she had custody of me, so even though I was no longer living with my Mom, my Dad was paying her weekly for my support. She didn't want to lose her income.  And, of course she wanted my dad to "PAY" in every way she could think of because she was just plain angry at the world.

Needless to say there were no more visits out there, at least for quite some time.  I missed Michelle and worried about her all the time.  That never left my mind, even as I grew up, the worry changed over to guilt, and at times regret.

Meanwhile I went to school at Webster Groves High School.  I was now in 10th grade.  I had started Kindergarten at 4 years old, so I was always the youngest kid in the classroom.  I was now 15.  I did well in school, somehow by the Grace of God I had always done well in school.  I was a straight A student with the exception of gym class.  I didn't like this school much though.  There were a lot of kids in class that were disruptive and many of the teachers spent a lot of time "babysitting" rather then teaching.  It wasn't good because I needed something to focus on and keep my mind off of my life.  Plus I really did enjoy learning, I liked school overall.

The court date was nearing and it was constantly in the back of my mind.  I didn't know what to expect.  My Mom was such a loose canon.  I also didn't know what would be expected of me there.  I was 15, I had never been through anything like this.  I did know one thing, my Dad had to win custody and that worred me too... what if he didn't win, then what would happen to me.  I was a ball of knots at times over it all.

Finally the day arrived and we all went to the courthouse, my Dad, Betty and myself.  We got called for our case to be heard and wouldn't you know it, my Mom didn't even bother to show up.  Her attorney was there to represent her. She was making her statement to let me know I wasn't worth her time and she had no interest in having me as her daughter.  She may have thought it was her last hourah, but it was my ticket to freedom and I couldn't have been happier that she didn't show.

The judge asked her attorney first to hear what he had to say and he said some garbage about me being an unruley child that was difficult to handle and other nonsence I can't even remember.  So then the judge asked my Dad if he found the statements my Mom's attorney had said to be true.  My Dad responded of course with "no, he found me to be a very compliant and easy child to deal with".  The the judge asked me who I wanted to live with and I said of course, "my Dad".  At that moment, he put down the gavel and said, "custody is awarded to the Father, Mr. Robert ____".  and it was over!  I felt like I was walking on air when I left there, we were all smiles, for the first time in many years we were all free of my Mom, she no longer had any control over any of us!!  What a day it was.  We all went to lunch to celebrate.  

From that day forward I felt like I could really start my life, make plans, actually live like normal, oh my gosh it felt good.  In all my happiness and changes in life something else was developing.  I had caught the eye of one of the guys who worked for my Dad.  He had caught my eye the moment my Dad introduced us when I moved in with him.  He was 4 years old then me and he was really good looking.

Some people are put in your life as Angels, they are people you never forget.  This guy, who's name was Richard, but he went by "Dick", was definitely an Angel.

I'll continue with this segement next week.... and if you think life is settled forever, you would be wrong...  it couldn't be that easy now could it..

Thanks for dropping by!
xxoo

17 comments :

  1. Hi Jane, So happy to hear you are doing better and finally relaxing. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were. And even though I miss "sitting" in your craft room with you, I feel you have made the best decision to stay away from social media. I do hope you continue crafting though. As you have said, it's very therapeutic. And if you decide to start a group, I would definately be apart of it. I love your work. Thank you for continuing to write in your blog. You are so good at writing and I love reading what you share. I guess I can relate to the childhood you had. Mine wasn't any better. I'll have to write to you and share the details. Take it easy sweetie and continue to enjoy yourself! I'll be in touch. Big hugs!

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  2. Jane....what a great surprise !! Well, Mike had hinted that you might have a post today. I'm so glad that you are feeling better and getting stronger....God is good ! I think about you often and I sure do miss sharing my coffee with you, early every morning !! lol But your well being is much more important . We have been having some nice fall days here in Alabama and I am loving it ! Nothing beats those 1st few days of Autumn, when you feel that crisp cool chill in the air. I hope you are having great weather and enjoying it as much as I am. Dan has already been spending days in the woods, getting ready for deer season. I know the puppies hope he gets a deer soon, because the freezer is empty and they haven't had deer burger in a few months. I hope my mojo stays with me so I can get some crafting done. I need to start on some Christmas cards too. Take care Jane......I love ya, girlie !

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  3. It's really good to hear from you! Every time I get a store email, I say a prayer for both you!!

    Take care!!
    Frances

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  4. Hi Jane I came to this party late as they say but something made me stay. I'm so glad you are feeling good enough to blog I think it is very therapeutic. I think it also showed you how many people geniuly care about you. I will be popping in here to see how youre dong. I know I am preaching to the choir when I tell you that your husband loves you so much! It was so kind of him to keep us updated while at the same time stil protecting your privacy. I believe he is your biggest fan! I hope things continue to go well with you. I also hope the store continues to grow and prosper. Have a great week and remember slow and steady wins the race! ✌🏼️❤️

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  5. Very happy to read your blog! One day at a time is a mantra we should all live by. (Am talking more to MYSELF here)! LOL. Continued good thoughts and prayers!!

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  6. Glad you are feeling well, sorry that social media sent you over the edge, always remember you are not the one with the problem the person make comments is the one with the issues. I feel so bad that the majority of your subscribers can no longer enjoy your many talents because of a few. I am not into the blog stuff and I cannot comment on your website that isn't up any longer, but I wanted you to know how much I miss your crafting, you are the reason I started watching youtube. Again, glad you are feeling better.

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  7. Hi Jane, So glad you are feeling better and of course I miss you so much in your Crafting Room. Mike is doing a great job with the store and telling us about how you are. I hope Tupelo is doing alright. I have been thinking about you a lot and maybe you will start Crafting again because I struggle with it myself keeping motivated. Hugs!!!! Joyce

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  8. Hi Jane. It is wonderful to see you writing on your blog again. I have missed you so much. Mike has done a great job keeping us informed on how you are doing. Now if he would remember to let us know what CEO Tupelo is up to also,lol! I'm so glad that you are feeling more relaxed. Mental stress can do so many weird things to our bodies. Take care of yourself and be happy. I count you as a dear friend and hope to keep up with you here. Hugs, Linda

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  9. Hi Jane thank you for the up date. I'm so happy you are feeling better. I know all to well about panic attacks I have horrible anxiety and have since I was a child. It's a hard thing to learn to live with. I wish you all the best and am so happy to hear you are doing better. Take care and thanks for sharing your blog. Tell mike hello !
    Christa

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  10. Hey Jane, hope all is going great for you. I am so sorry for your troubles, you are in my prayers. I just started to follow you due to Mike's daily emails regarding the store. I went back and read your blogs. I am so sorry your childhood was so devastating. You write so marvelous. I think you should write a book of your life so others may benefit. Please take care but I see Mike does an excellent job of doing that.

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  11. HI Jane
    I'm so happy you are feeling at peace now. Been thinking about you a lot lately. As sad as I am at the prospect of not seeing anymore of your awesome videos I'm just as pleased you are at peace and happy. Continue taking care of YOU my friend, that's all you can do to stay stress free and healthy.
    As always I'm hanging off the seat with this installment of your life story and trying to imagine what will come next. My heart was so happy that you did end up with your dad, but he boy thing always spells trouble. (my opinion), but as you said "it couldn't be that easy could it".
    Big Hugz to you
    P.S.
    As I'm writing this my fur baby Tanner is pawing me like crazy and I can only imagine he is trying to tell me to say Hi to you, Mike and Tupelo, sooooo
    Paw waves from Tanner

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  12. Jane it is so good to see you writing again and knowing you are beginning to feel better. We will all miss you very much on YouTube. I so much loved listening to you and watching all the beautiful work you did. Your are a true inspiration to many. I do look forward to hopefully seeing photos of more of your amazing work. You will always have a place in my heart and I pray you continue to get better. You, Mike and CEO Tupelo are good people and pet....I wish you all much success and happiness! Keep getting strong....there is a lot of us who love you and what you do.

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  13. Jane,
    My dear here you are, first off shame on anyone for being rude to you, you are full of life an sunshine, so glad to see your here, glad you are feeling better, I also suffer from panic attacks, hope you continue to put you an mike first. God bless hun an by all means if you feel like it an want to chit chat get at me, trinity misses you an the puppy she said hi an gives you big hugs. kreider92@gmail.com is my email. Big hugs christina kreider

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  14. Jane,
    My dear here you are, first off shame on anyone for being rude to you, you are full of life an sunshine, so glad to see your here, glad you are feeling better, I also suffer from panic attacks, hope you continue to put you an mike first. God bless hun an by all means if you feel like it an want to chit chat get at me, trinity misses you an the puppy she said hi an gives you big hugs. kreider92@gmail.com is my email. Big hugs christina kreider

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  15. Jane,
    I miss you so much and all your craftiness. Miss your facebook updates on the local scene and Tupelo. I guess I missed out on what happened to Tupelo's friend and for that I'm sorry. It would never dawn on me to leave hurtful comments on any social media, so I don't understand those who do that. There is a certain bravery needed to post on social media, so I would not be able to disrespect someone who shares on social media. Glad you're doing well enough to blog and hope you can keep it up. Miss your stories and jokes with the store updates, but life is what it is. Feel better and stronger every day! I also suffer with the anxiety and that adds to my depression, so I get where you're coming from. Anyway, love and support in all that you do!! Great big ((((((HUGS)))))) Sharron (L8rdaz@yahoo.com)

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  16. Hi Jane. .so glad to hear you are feeling better. I got a little behind in reading your story so now I'm catching up. Hope you continue to feel better every day. I miss you!

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  17. Hi Jane. .so glad to hear you are feeling better. I got a little behind in reading your story so now I'm catching up. Hope you continue to feel better every day. I miss you!

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